Four Loco is the new Jungle Juice

These kids, what will they think of next? In my day we made “jungle juice” a no recipe concoction which was basically, punch of some kind and whatever booze could be found to be dumped in it. Vodka and kool aid? Yum!! Tequila and Hawaiian punch. The result? Technicolor vomit in teenage wasteland. I have never actually had one but given the number of young people I see with drug and alcohol issues, I have heard all about the “red bull and vodka” mix, I guess every generation thinks they invented something and this is generation Y’s (is that what they are called?) gift to us all. I think there was even an episode on happy days when they “spiked the punch”. In a way, this all looks like some kind of Chevy commercial and for some, it may be wholesome teenage rites of passage. So whats all the media attention about “Four Loko” which as near as I can tell, is packaged jungle juice made with an energy drink. I guess, its kool aid flavored malt liquor with caffeine, in otherwords, its puke in a can but it sure does help that prom dress come right off. Combing the internet for stories about this stuff, you would think it was bottled by Satanist and sold on playgrounds. Whats so new about this? Why now? kids have been getting drunk and sick since way back, why single out this beverage and what is wrong with doing that?
I am not sure why “Four Loko” is the new boogie man, there have been some reports of hospitalizations from alcohol poisoning but this is not new as a result of bottling this stuff. One of the common themes with the stories written about it is that it contains caffeine. So does rum and coke, so do many other cocktails.
What I think is Four Loko is a cheap high, marketed to kids that is detrimental to their health and safety but I certainly don’t think banning it is the answer. Banning it sends a message that the people who makes this stuff are responsible for the behaviors associated with it. Where is the personal responsibility? How about the community? As I often say, we all have a responsibility to the drug and alcohol problem, assigning blame to one faction of the larger problem does very little if anything to address the problem in a real way.
Even if I were still able to drink, I doubt I would be drinking four loko, it sounds vile, although I did wonder if it could be consecrated into the blood of christ, you, know just to add a little spice to mass. As a side note, I looked at their website and they have a page of all the philanthropy they do, they give to cancer, a worthy cause but how about giving to Hazelden youth and family for some four loko enthusiasts who end up in alcoholism treatment? I’m kind of fascinated with the stuff, thinking of doing a video blog and asking kids who buy it what it’s like, maybe I’ll camp out in the parking lot of a high school dance and interview consumers of four loko, I’ll be sure to wear rain boots so I can hose the puke off of me. Kids! When will they learn?


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